And lo, Jesus said unto his disciples: “Verily, I say unto ye, hereafter ye shall celebrate my birthday by trying to eat a whole turkey.” And also to his brethren he spake: “And when ye remembreth my death and resurrection, do so by eating what appeareth to be an ostrich egg, but made out of chocolate. Ideally a mug will be included in the box.”
These verses come from the lesser-known Poundstretcher Extended Value Edition of the Bible, which takes a fairly specific interpretation of the traditions expected of the congregation. What it doesn’t say is that Easter eggs – valuable as they are for celebrating Jesus, or indeed Eostre, the Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring – are a rip-off, and likely to become even more so.
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